Conflict Management Training
Some ClientsConflict Management Training – why we all need training
The Conflict Training Company is a little different from most organisations providing conflict management training. For example, we are open about the ‘problems’ we are trying to solve. In our experience of running conflict management training for over 10 years, staff members unwittingly make some fundamental errors when dealing with angry customers. Let’s look at some:
The ‘solutions’ trap
Very few delegates attending our training courses would say that they are poor listeners. We agree, for if you deal with angry customers you often feel you have no choice but to listen. The difficulty is that we usually spend most of our time either thinking:
- How am I going to solve this? or
- What am I going to say next? or
- I don’t agree with what they are saying.
So are we really listening?
Think about this, staff members are the experts. They know all of the policies and ways of operating the organisation follows. Often the customer knows a lot less which makes it hard for the staff member to listen if the customer is plain wrong or misinformed. We have a listening exercise in our conflict management training course which aims to ‘test’ people’s listening skills. When delegates finish the exercise, amazingly they report that they would normally only listen for up to 10/15 seconds before they try to offer a solution or make a point. If the customer only experiences a matter of seconds before they are interrupted, how do you suppose they are going to feel?
The best form of defence
Most of us believe we know when we are being defensive (crossed arms, increasing volume, shouting, ‘cutting’ words and phrases). However there are more subtle ways of being defensive; so subtle in fact that we are often not aware we are being defensive. Add in some interesting body language when we are trying to appear calm and matters can escalate. Delegates on our courses learn to recognise and avoid the subtle defensive tactics most commonly used – e.g. ‘haven’t you read the letter we sent?’
Disengaging at the wrong moment
Angry customers need to feel heard first and foremost. Whereas often, particularly in the early stages, a common reaction to anger is to go silent, disengage, switch off or get angry with the source of our discomfort. Whilst we may be hearing what the customer is saying, the message we convey is ‘I’m listening but not taking anything you say seriously’. The customer is already angry about something and if they ‘read’ us and think we are not taking them seriously, matters are only going to get worse.
Not dealing with the feelings
Feelings are messy and often we feel we need to avoid them at all costs. Unfortunately, there is no point in running any conflict management training without dealing with them, as they are at the root of all conflict. Why might we all react calmly to a train delay and yet someone else is wild with anger? Something has caused them to feel differently about the situation. Unfortunately, in this situation, staff tend to concern themselves more with train timetable information and ignore how the customer feels. When we ignore a feeling it tends to intensify, in turn totally perplexing the staff member because they thought they were being helpful by giving out all the information regarding the timetable. Life isn’t easy sometimes!
Not showing willingness
It is common for the staff we train to have to say ‘no’ frequently, if not on almost every occasion. Whilst we might see a request as totally unreasonable the customer may see the same request as reasonable. Unless handled appropriately, there is a danger that customer will interpret our refusal as intransigence. We offer many techniques to show helpful willingness even when the overall answer is still ‘no’. We poke some fun at the subject in an article entitled Conflict Management Training - Helpful Willingness
If this all seems complex, it is because human beings are complex; they can be lovely, helpful, stubborn, amusing, and frightening all during the same conversation. Our conflict management training makes the complicated simple and the skills practical – that is all we do every day.
